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I AM really fortunate to have a better half, who knows about all my acts of omissions and commissions in life at least after our marriage. She is the home minister, finance minister and foreign minister. Naturally, with the blight of recession, inflation and Commonwealth Games our resources, like every middle class or lower middle class Indian are strained if not torn apart at the seams. I don’t remember exactly when did I purchase my last vest and the present vest has been washed and stone-washed so many times that it has become an excellent example of smart ventilation or air-management system. So when I announced this morning that today, and by today I mean this today, and by time I mean right now this time I‘m going to venture out to purchase a cow-boy shirt, a Texas style jeans and a new vest, no one in the house believed me, not my wife at least. “Why not shoes and underwear ?” she asked in her usual sarcasm. “Rough shoes go well with American-Style jeans and underwear is not a big issue; it’s a very personal matter.” I tried to match the intensity of her incisive remark.
“And how’re you going to stand this treat ?” She fired back as she knows all my income. She is well aware that I’m not blessed with any talent of a Godman or policeman and nothing can make a dent in my economic status for the better till God so desires.
“My old friend from US has send me some money to look for a land to put up a business premises. He will come to India after performing his pilgrimage. I’m sure he will understand the situation and as he is in possession of a kind heart he would allow me some years to pay him back. By that time my eldest son would be on the job. We should never lose faith. Hope is the only refuge of victor or vanquished alike.”
“Your idea isn’t bad. However, patience usually runs thin when it comes to money matters. But, I’m catching here a different scent in this fry darling ! Your cow-boy ideas suggest that you got an invitation from Clinton’s to attend the weddining of Chelsea ?” That proves my earlier statement that my wife knows me better than I know myself. She is a philosopher, thinker, a planner and a strategist. She knows about the gap between rich and poor, between privileged and underprivileged and haves and have-nots, between her husband and Bill Clinton.
Being a man of honour I refuse to accept the supremacy of her intellect before her.
“We’re poor because you’re poor in managing our resources like our dear Sharad Pawar. I have always worked hard to make this house happy. You don’t know how to keep the food from rotting when electricity comes like good weather. You don’t want the kids to go to municipal school or Angan Wari where they even arrange the feasts of Khichdis and other sumptuous treats. Its not always that kids get sand, any other foreign particle or a mini-reptile in food. We could have something at least. You’re an ardent religious lady but you want to send your kids to elite nurseries. Its sheer hypocrisy. You don’t know how to manage this house !” I delivered a homily or spewed the pent up venom with a good excuse and for a good cause. That should have silenced her for a while and could have put her out of wits. Unfortunately, like our great ex-sport minister Mani Shankar Iyer she was determined to make her statement:
“ Thirty five per cent of Indian population lives on less than $1 a day, which is comparable to Bangladesh’s 36 per cent and much worse than Pakistan’s 17 per cent. The World Bank reported that India is 12th wealthiest nation in 2005 with its GDP touching 785.47 billion dollars or Rs 35,34,615 crore . US is the wealthiest nation with GDP of 12.46 trillion dollars. While India was way down compared to China, positioned fourth with 2.23 trillion dollars of GDP, it was wealthier than Mexico, Russia and Australia. So, my dearest husband, please don’t make an ostentatious rhetoric or display of our poverty or your incompetence. These days the gape between rich and poor is decreasing faster than the DTC bus. We shall overcome one day.” Then came an stroke of epiphany. “I’m sure, any moment someone will knock at the door and hand-over to you a return ticket for USA. They will make you a show-piece of milk of human kindness, an example that people care; a proof of the statement on US Dollar “In God We Trust.” God has made us all equal. Chelsea is not only Bill and Hillary Clinton’s daughter but our’s also. And if I’m not mistaken, you were the most devoted and ardent supporter of Bill Clinton when we had Monica Lewinsky dominating the world media. The President is not a thankless man. I’m sure I might have an issue or two with his wife but they could have nothing against an innocuous entity like you. You’re going to go to White House. Enogh was enough. I decided to be a loving husband of the real life.
“Darling, they haven’t invited even Obamas to the wedding. Didn’t you hear what the poor President of USA said the other day - I was not invited to the wedding because I think Hillary and Bill, properly, want to keep this thing for Chelsea and her soon-to-be husband.”
